I’ve heard plenty of people joke about how their answer to the classic interview question, “What’s your biggest weakness?” is that they’re a perfectionist. It’s a cliche because it hits upon a sad truth. Managers tend to love having perfectionistic, overachieving employees, but it comes at the expense of that employee’s well-being and long-term performance.

A lot of perfectionists wear it as a badge of honor. We work hard, always get it right, probably got straight A’s in school, love gold stars, and most of the time produce extremely high quality work. But the tide is turning and more people seem to be realizing it’s not helpful to be a perfectionist, nor is it something to be proud of.

Women seem to take on this tendency more than others. I believe it starts when we’re little, we’re praised for being good little girls – i.e. being quiet and neat, getting good grades, looking the part, etc. We learn to be perfect, and as we grow, we internalize that message until it’s not just the world telling us to be perfect, it’s ourselves.

This also means that we hold the power to change.

“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” - Brené Brown

The partners of perfectionism

To address and overcome perfectionism, it helps to see how it impacts your life, and what other forces might be keeping it alive. You may find your perfectionism doesn’t show up alone, it tends to bring its full entourage along for the ride.

From my experience, I feel the need to be perfect goes hand-in-hand with a lack of confidence or insecurity. They keep each other in line. You’re never good enough so you try to fight that with incredibly high standards and those standards keep your self-belief in check.

Similarly, you might feel like an imposter because you tell yourself you should be more, do more, know more in order to be good enough. But what you’re aiming for is unrealistic, and you are more than enough already.

Another sister sin of perfectionism is procrastination. It’s hard to get started on a task when you need everything to be just so and know how hard it’s going to be to meet your expectations. So you put it off, and maybe even get annoyed with yourself for being “lazy” in the process.

And lastly, if you’re familiar with the spirals of anxiety and stress, you might find peace in perfectionism. Getting something exactly right provides a moment of relief, a sense of control amidst the chaos of your life, but it’s always short-lived.

The pitfalls of perfectionism

If you’re feeling like perfectionism is just part of who you are and you don’t want to give it up because it’s what makes you so good at what you do, take a moment to reflect on these common pitfalls and consider whether you actually deserve better.

~ pause & reflect ~

1. Playing it safe, not taking the risks you need to take: Does your need to be perfect bleed into a fear of failure? Do you stick to what you know to keep meeting high standards? How does that hold you back?
2. Beating yourself up for anything ‘less than’ perfect: Is your inner critic the loudest voice in your head? Do you deflect compliments because you know you could’ve done better? How does that make you feel?
3. Never feeling like your work (or you) are good enough: When you set goals, do you make sure they’re achievable? Do you tend to focus on what you could’ve done better rather than what you did well?  
4. Burning out chasing goals just out of reach: Do you overwork until you’re emotionally drained and disengaged from work you do actually enjoy? Do you celebrate minor accomplishments and reward yourself?
5. Not prioritizing or managing time strategically: Do you spend too much time trying to make something perfect that you don’t get to other tasks? Do you struggle delegating work to others because you want it to be done right?
6. Stuck in analysis paralysis, trouble making decisions: Do you worry about making the wrong decision and put it off until the last minute? Do you avoid certain decisions or collect more information than you really need?
7. Hard to please as a manager, colleague, or friend: Do you ever redo work that others complete? Do you think others might avoid asking your opinion on something because you’re known for high standards?

Moving past perfectionism

Addressing your perfectionistic tendencies is a process. It involves learning how to recognize when you’ve hit the “good enough” mark and need to move on, and then finding comfort in knowing that work is getting done, and satisfaction in achieving a reasonable standard.

If you identify as a perfectionist, and are ready to start overcoming it, here are 6 simple tips you can put into imperfect practice.

1. Define “good enough” ahead of time: It’s easy to start focusing on everything you need to do and what you need to fix after you get started on a task. Before you start, clearly define what will make an outcome “good enough” and what criteria you’re okay with letting go of before you jump in.
2. Set more realistic objectives: Next time you’re setting a goal, challenge how realistic and achievable it is. Ask a friend or colleague if the target seems manageable to them. Challenge yourself to see that attainment within the context of what else you have on your plate.
3. Give yourself a time limit and stop: Open-ended tasks are risky for perfectionists. If you like to spend hours tweaking your presentation way beyond what’s necessary, consider giving yourself a certain amount of time to dedicate to it and then walk away when you hit that deadline.
4. Counter your inner critic: That voice can be endless and ruthless, reinforcing our perfectionism and blocking any form of self-compassion. Recognize when your critic is pushing perfectionism and put forward a counterargument that provides a more balanced perspective.
5. Make a certain amount of mistakes: To get over trying to make everything perfect, give yourself a mistake target. For example, aim to make three mistakes each week, not careless errors but ones that might slip by because you’re human, and reward yourself for each one.
6. Prioritize what you’ll make perfect: Rather than completing dropping all attempts at being a superstar, work on identifying priorities that would be sensible ways to apply your perfectionistic powers. Make the most of it rather than wasting it on needless work.

I’m proud to be a recovering perfectionist. It took a lot of rethinking and putting these tips and others into practice to get comfortable with good enough and learn to use my perfectionism for good.

If you’re feeling bold, I highly recommend taking an improv class – that experience was a turning point for me in terms of getting comfortable standing in that fear of not knowing what’s next and having fun with it anyways.

Next time you’re preparing for an interview, consider this as a twist on your ‘greatest weakness’ answer instead:

“I tend to be overly critical of myself and my work. I am working on figuring out what’s good enough so that I can make sure priorities are addressed without burning out. In the past, I’ve always received positive feedback on my quality of work but if I’m hired, I’d be looking for feedback on making sure I’m balancing that quality with efficiency.”

As Brené Brown put it, I’m a “recovering perfectionist and an aspiring ‘good-enoughist.’” It took a lot of rethinking and putting these tips and others into practice to embrace imperfection and learn to use my perfectionism for good.

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So, what can you do today to be a little less perfect?